Stepmom tries to ground her 17-year-old stepson, gives dad the cold shoulder after he forbids her from discipling his son: 'This is my last summer with my oldest child'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 28, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Does it ever become acceptable for a stepparent to treat their stepchildren as if they were their biological children? As one might expect, the answer is "it depends." If a stepparent is the only parent their kid has ever known and they call them "mom" or "dad," it's safe to assume that they can and should parent them as if they were their biological parents. If a child has lived with their stepparent since they could remember, but always regards them as a stepparent and has both of their biological parents in their life, it can be somewhat of a gray area. A kid might reluctantly accept discipline from a stepparent but feel resentful that they're taking on that role. It's far more common for stepparents to refrain from actual parenting if they enter a child's life when the child is eight or older. However, it always depends on the specific situation the family is in. 

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  • The dad in this story put his foot down regarding his wife trying to ground his 17-year-old son. You would have thought that the question of whether she could parent him would have come up before, but apparently it hadn't until the summer before his senior year of high school. 

  • 01

    AITAH because I told my wife she isn't allowed to ground my son?

    My son is seventeen. My wife and I also have three more boys. Two are from before our marriage, but I'm legally their father now. They are all much younger than my son. My son is starting his senior year of highschool next year and hoping to get an athletic scholarship.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10511297536
    via Zak Neilson

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10511301888
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    My son plans to spend all summer practicing. Yesterday my wife asked him to tidy up the living room and he said he was already on the way to the gym. She told him that he could go after tidying. He said he would do it when he got back and left without giving her time to reply. She sent him a text saying he is grounded and then called me to let me know.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 05
    I told her I would talk to him, but he wasn't grounded. She said he disrespected her, and I said we could and would have a conversation about that, but there would be no grounding.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 06
    This is my last summer with my oldest child and an important summer, because he's trying to achieve something that can make or break his future. I'm not going to risk ruining either of those things unless it's something really serious.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 07
    She was very upset. I texted my son that he wasn't grounded, but that we wanted to talk to him when he came home. He said okay and texted me when he was leaving the gym to let us know he was on the way. When he got back we sat down and talked. He
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 08
    said he didn't mind helping out, but that he was a busy person with a busy schedule and wasn't at our beck and call. He said if he is asked in advance to do something he will, but he isn't available to us at the drop of a hat.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 09
    My wife didn't like that, but I said that was fine. I asked him if he would be willing to clean the living room, and he said he would after taking a shower. While he was in the shower my wife and I got into a big fight. She said I undermined her and all the kids
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
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    Cheezburger Image 10511303168
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    will respect her less. I said she isn't my oldest's mother and final say goes to me with him. Any of our other kids and I wouldn't do what I did, but she's not his mom. She was very angry I said that and said she needed space from me.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 12
    We have only talked as much as necessary today, and I'm getting worried. We are supposed to be at a memorial day barbecue in an hour, and she just asked me if I could stay home while she took the boys without me (my oldest has plans with friends and already left). I am wondering if I'm the
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 13
    a hole here. My son always said that he would respect my wife, but she's not his mother. He's never cussed her, shouted at her or what have you. I think it's fair that we stay consistent with her not being his mom. Maybe I'm being a bad husband.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 14
    Update: My wife and the kids got home about an hour ago. After we put the kids to bed, we talked. I asked her, after five years of never even attempting to be any sort of mother to my oldest, why she all of a sudden wanted to step into that role. She said she wasn't trying to parent him, that she was just trying to manage the household, and he wasn't
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 15
    cooperating. I said that wasn't a reason to react the way she did, and he was cooperating by offering to do it later. She said she was overwhelmed and needed it done then so she didn't have to think about it.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 16
    I told her it's very important to me that this last summer be a good one, because I don't know when I'll see him again after this. I mentioned how I'm anxious that I won't be able to attend his big events because he might not want her there, and I can't
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 17
    abandon my wife to travel without her. As I was talking, really rambling more than anything, her eyes lit up. She smiled at me. I thought it was so weird, because I hadn't said anything positive and a moment ago she'd been upset.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 18
    I asked what was going on. She said nothing. She then asked me if I meant that. I was confused and asked which part. She asked if I'd choose her over my son. I said I'd never choose anything over my children. She said, but if he invited you to visit him and not me, you wouldn't go? I said I couldn't do that to her, it wouldn't be right. As a husband, I
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 19
    can't just abandon her unless it was an emergency or something. Obviously I don't want an emergency, so you can see why I'm stressed about this possible future where I go years without seeing my son.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 20
    She said she understood and it wouldn't happen again, but the whole interaction was so strange. One moment she was upset and defensive. The next moment she was kissing me and telling me I was going to have a great summer and everything would be okay. The whole thing was so, so odd. I asked her how the
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 21
    barbeque was and she said it was alright, but it would have been better if I was there, which I had no idea how to respond to. Anyway, I'm typing this in the bathroom. I don't know what to make of this situation. Half of me thinks this is a resolution and I can put it behind me, and maybe
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 22
    the other half is too paranoid from reading so many comments, but that half thinks this is just a symptom of a bigger problem. Either way, my wife is happy, so I'm better off than I was before, I suppose.
    via u/BallAcrobatic2709
  • 23
    PJ-Putitonmyluggage I think you should really ask yourself: 1. Why wouldn't your son want her to attend life events after he moves out? 2. Why is she happy and accepting that you wouldn't travel to see your son if she couldn't go along? And that you would "choose" her over your son? It sounds like there are major issues between them that you've been ignoring (intentionally or not), and this doesn't sound resolved at all to me.
    via u/PJ-Putitonmyluggage
  • 24
    I_m_Ignoring_u Had to scroll way too far down to find this comment! Her reaction was really weird. Sound like she is planning to make a big scene every time op is going to make plans with his son, preventing him from seeing his son.
    via u/I_m_Ignoring_u
  • 25
    Glittering _Battle444 "her eyes lit up. She smiled at me. I thought it was so weird, because I hadn't said anything positive and a moment ago she'd been upset. I asked what was going on. She said nothing. She then asked me if I meant that. I was confused and asked which part. She asked if I'd choose her over my son."
    via u/Glittering _Battle444
  • 26
    this is a huge red flag. she intentionally antagonized the one son that views her as step-mom, demanded respect and power over him with something trivial, then got overly excited over the knowledge that you would possibly choose her over him. she does not like him and you seriously need to pay attention to other signs of her getting in between the two of you. as someone who grew up with a step mother like this, it k lled me when my dad didn't believe me or see the manipulation, and it drove a hu
    via u/Glittering _Battle444

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parents of teens teens family drama stepmother teenagers stepmom wife parenting husband raising teens dad family son parents stepson grounded
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